Do your kids having trouble “listening?” Do you feel like no matter what you say or do – you still end up begging, pleading, negotiating or punishing to get cooperation and usually it’s not willing cooperation?
I know I have felt like, despite my valiant attempts to consciously speak with kindness, acknowledge needs, and validate feelings, sometimes – I STILL am left with a child who is emotionally resistant and tough to tolerate. In this moment, there is a fork in the road.
I am faced with two choices – go control freak – or go zen mama. As I wonder WHAT to say next [careful: death trap ahead] – I apply the theoretical principles I know and realize that the best protection is to STOP THINKING and just be SILENT. Yep. Sometimes the best communication is non-verbal.
And the question of what to say – becomes “How do I feel [my way] through this moment?” How can I tolerate these sensations arising in me? It becomes about waiting for the storm of emotions to pass, and being OK with not being OK.
On the other hand, there ARE times, when you need to say MORE and if you’ve ever felt unsure of how to do it without the subtle shades of blame, shame, judgment and guilt undermining your influence – then make sure you check out my collection of MINDFUL MONDAY POSTS on Pinterest.
One of the things I am asked most often is, “I get it – but WHAT DO I SAY in those moments?” So, the idea of Mindful Mondays was born out of a desire to contribute to your need for “real actionable language.”
A couple of months ago, I started posting graphics every Monday on Facebook with ideas for how to speak to children in compassionate, cooperative ways. It is not a perfect script-making process. There are no hard and fast rules for each scenario. Every situation with your child will be unique and require you to access your creativity. Each week, a new picture post like the one above will feature ONE perspective a conflict situation could take – and give you the words and process for changing the way you speak. If you can start to SEE and HEAR examples of new ways of relating and expressing your needs and desires – then your brain will start to pick up on the patterns of this NEW FORMULA for –> observation –> feelings –> needs –> requests + cooperative problem solving.
If you don’t know what to say – be sure to check out Facebook each Monday for a NEW scenario and share it with your friends because WE need our communities to participate if we are going to see global change.And be sure the check back tomorrow for a brand new episode of TEACHable Moments!
Lori Petro is a Mom, Children’s Advocate and Speaker. She is passionate about transforming our world through conscious parenting compassionate communication, and peaceful conflict resolution. You can find Lori’s 47-page eBook plus audio download, The ABCs of Conscious Parenting, retail value $68, in the Essential Parenting Collection. To view the entire collection, click here.
It is also part of the Mindful Guidance mini-bundle which you can purchase separately if you choose. To view the Mindful Guidance mini bundle, click here.
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